a lil place i like to call "stagnation land"

yeah. so let me tell you about 'stagnation land' aka emotional purgatory, but without the emotions? eh, that makes no literal sense. it's the place that i've been stuck on for.. who fuking knows, because it's stagnation. you see, it's worse than depression. depression serves a bit more purpose. like, i may write a shitty song or two out of 'tragic depression'. make some kool art. do some 'life reevaluating" self-loathing. fuk'n some bullshit like that, right. but, noooo, no, my friends, stagnation land is that hellish place that one lingers in, where 'you're not reallllly depressed, but not quite happy', where you think shit like, 'maybe i should move, but if i move than blah blah, maybe it's not the location, it's me? but blah blah'. it's the fuk'n desert/ arctic, bipolar tundra bar, that you can endlessly, without point, walk into and have 30 lifetime drinks with your good pal, 'complete lack of inspiration'.. and talk about shit that's neither 'here nor there', and about 'how nobody does anything, how so and so's changed, and remember the good old days..' .. that kind of excellent, endless, pointless conversation, that changes nothing and YET goes on cyclically for a boring eternity. it's a place of, 'there's no such thing as too much', drug consuming, followed by rants about 'principle' and 'should've, could've, would've'...

now, i refuse to believe that this is a 'coming to terms with..', 'welcome to life', this is what happens next, kinda bullshit..., but god damn it, if this phase hasn't been hanging out long enough to meet my fuk'n parents, or have it's own history book, or some shit. it's like a stupid past relationship that you still fixate on.. simply.. because.. you can.

in stagnation land, even hope will step in and fuk with you, whispering bullshit into your subconscious, 'believe there's some sort of character building, cleverly woven into this nothing, that you're gunna get out of all this', which makes you go 'okay, okay', until defeat comes charging in with AK's sling'n from every limb, screaming "not today muther fukahhhhh!" bringing in some confusing, self negating shit like "hahaha, yeah, people really do suck, friendships fade, love doesn't exist, so go write another sappy song about it retard, alcohol makes a good friend, oh yeah, things forever cost mad money, you forgot to pay your fuk'n phone bill asshole, again. your room is messy as fuk and ain't gunna clean itself [damn], you gotta do laundryyyyy forever suka cauz u out of clean underwear and no, u got no more money to buy new ones. pay up biatch. what?"
now, it is within the eye of this flurry of chaos, life tug-a-war, hurricane, that i believe stagnation land lies. yes. a boring, little, but safe, island, in which one sits on, muttering aloud 'i don't know.' over and over again, while with glossed over, glazed eyes, you blankly stare at this massive shit storm that circles the horizon. how do you get off the island? i don't know. ahaha. yeah. i'm still there. maybe i'll construct a raft that'll get me through the shit storm.. that is if i ever get inspired to.